What kind of person does a lot of nice things for everyone else and then constantly complains about being taken advantage of?
I used to be like this once … not constantly complaining but I would silently expect appreciation in return for the things I did and would feel disappointed, hurt or resentful when I didn’t get it or didn’t get a favour returned. I would work really hard to go out of my way to help them in any way I could and knew nothing of boundaries.
It came from a feeling of no self-worth where I pinned my self-worth and self-value on what other people thought or said about me, or what they were willing to do or not do.
This whole orientation or focus came from an early childhood of neglect and abuse, where it became important, as a survival tactic, to work out what others wanted and provide it for them in order to be safe and not to be abandoned or rejected.
From there it carried over into my teenage and early adult years – looking for love and validation from the outside.
It was also mixed in with a ‘love-pain’ understanding of love that I inherited from my parents. So in order to feel love it ‘had to’ be painful! (Even to the extent of marrying someone who eventually tried to kill me!)
So I would be the self-sacrificing kind of person in order to get love. Of course, if I did get love or approval it was difficult to receive because at some level I felt I had manipulated it. I was stuck in a desperate wanting to be loved and at the same time being unable to receive what I craved the most.
Complaining is a Call for Love
I would see the ‘complaints’ you describe as a call for love, acceptance and safety when a person has no connection to themselves, their self-value or inherent worth.
Later in my life, I did learn how to connect to my beautiful shining magnificent self and became able to more fully open to give and receive a healthy nurturing and nourishing love.
From this place, once I filled myself up from the inside I found that it would simply bubble over into my relationships with others and the world. A much more joyful place to be. Love radiating outwards from a cup that is full.
I would say that this kind of person deserves our love and compassion and we need to honour where they are at in their journey.
We all develop and grow at different rates and I pray that someday he or she will work through their ‘disconnect’ and come home to their true value, love, peace and joy
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Our Telegram community ‘Truly Transformational’ is full of resources for handling stress and moving towards vibrant health and well being.
“Since I joined the group, I have learned how to slow my thoughts through simple breathing techniques, and then connect my breathing to my heart. I’ve learned how to quieten my mind enough to hear and listen to my heart. I’ve learned that I am enough, and I have always been enough, I am loved, and I have always been loved and am love. I have always been… I had just forgotten.
Now I am learning to remember.
The best thing of all that I have learned, is that I always have a choice. I can choose whatever I like. I am learning to become an observer of my thoughts and reactions, which is enabling me to realize that there are other options, other thoughts to think… which create other feelings… I can choose to feel happy whenever I wish, no matter what I might have previously automatically thought. I love this feeling – it feels like being free… to be me… to be happy and loved… and to love x Joy, much love and gratitude to you… Today, I am remembering, and my wish is that I remember this every single day of my life xxx”
