You know we are all made up of many aspects right?
Some we have learned, some we have been conditioned to be, some we take to be the ‘real me’
….and all are based on good old fashioned fear, lack and resistance to change.
They are what I like to call our “Fuddy Duddies”.
(FUDDY = Fearful – Uncertain – Doubtful – Desperate and Yearning)
By aspects I really mean the characters we ‘play out’ to the world… some may call them the ‘roles we play’, our learned habits or conditioned ways of seeing and experiencing the world … those parts of our identity which we take to make up who we feel ourselves to be.
We become very comfortable with our Fuddy Duddies over time. They become like a bunch of old conservative, familiar friends, who hang around the place and have fairly predictable behaviours.
We have gotten used to them being there. They are always popping up and often at the most awkward times.
They make up what we might call a zone of prickly ‘comfort’…yeah, a comfort zone …of sometimes irritatingly, familiar, known ‘confidantes’, who we tend to ‘go along with’, as we make our way in the world or negotiate a particular situation.
We look out through their eyes and feel through their apparel. By apparel I mean the filters, the layers, the ‘clothes’, the veils, the ‘spectacles’ the strings etc that we have attached to them and dressed them up with.
I like to give them names
It helps to make me aware of when they are ‘acting out’, when I am ‘triggered’, say by a particular thought or external event and certain habitual way of responding.
Introducing the fabulous …. the wonderful ….Mrs Controllalola!
One of my old familiar aspects, “Mrs Controllalola”, as her name might suggest likes to be in control of everything.
This way, (she argues) she can keep me safe and make sure that nothing unexpected is going to happen that might threaten my very survival. So whenever she takes the stage and ‘struts her stuff’ , she assures me I can feel safe enough to do or say whatever I need to do at that time …to get something done or to be able to communicate what I need without any dreadful consequences.
For example, she might want to make sure that when it comes to making a presentation to a new group of people, that some of my older, trustworthy, reliable friends are around and that whatever I am going to say is well prepared – what to do, when, how to do it – all in order to ‘ward off’ or ‘buffer against’ any potential rejection by the ‘critics’.
Or she might decide that if I cannot be in control in a particular situation, it is better for me to ‘hide’ or disappear, or remove myself from it altogether, either through physical or emotional withdrawal. Good old Controllalola advisor!
Of course all of her supposed ‘sincere’ advice is quite misplaced and really just an illusion
We are much bigger than this, much bigger beings than simply a collection of aspects, however well-meaning, well-structured and solid they may appear to be and for however long we may have been carrying them around.
You could say that in truth, and beyond all the fear-based identifications, we are in fact Real Cool Dudes …
COOL DUDES
- Clear
- Open
- Outgoing
- Loving
- Dedicated
- Understanding
- Dynamic
- Enthusiastic and
- Strong … and more
… who have the amazing potential to expand our conscious awareness so wide and far it could make you dizzy.
Imagine opening into an essential ‘Beingness’ that is as vast as the universe and beyond.
An … ” I AM” …
… big enough to hold and embrace each and every aspect – of all and everyone – from the time of Adam to now. Opening the heart to acknowledge and reconnect with the infinitely expansive breath of life that was lovingly breathed into us at the beginning of our life’s journey – our essential nature – makes such a ‘knowing’ possible.
Let the Fuddy Duddies go. Let them dissolve in the loving and compassionate embrace of our essential vast Cool Dudeness … and beyond! (What’s Buzz Lightyear doing here lol ?)
The Key is Awareness
Being aware of how Mrs Controllalola … and indeed any other aspect … operates in our lives can really help to expose the illusion and break the bonds. The key is to ‘catch’ each aspect in action. To practice witnessing or observing the whole fear-based scenario as it plays out, at the same time as detaching yourself from any emotional involvement in it.
It is important to drop any judgement here. We all have aspects that we judge to be good or bad. The trouble is, if we keep on rejecting them they will keep on jumping up in our faces, they will try every which way they can, to get our attention and to control our lives … until we learn to love and embrace them.
All they want is to be acknowledged and accepted and once that happens they quietly dissolve back into loving Oneness.
Even old Fuddy Duddies deserve a hug ….
Naming your aspect (with compassion and without judgement) is a good step towards being able to do this
It helps you to become aware of, and clear about, which aspect is playing out at any particular time.
Maybe it is …
The Victim who wants to attract sympathy and attention or to avoid taking responsibility,
The Perfectionist who tells you that you will only be acceptable if you get it right,
The Risk Taker who associates getting the juice out of life, feeling alive, with taking risks,
The Critic who tells you ‘how it is’ so that you will appreciate and love him or her,
The Martyr who sacrifices him or herself to get love …. there are so many.
I am sure you can find a few if you spend a few minutes reflecting on it
At the same time, if we add to this practice a constant reminder to ourselves of the vast and infinite support that underpins and nourishes and expands our whole beingness… and spend a few minutes breathing in some of the higher qualites at our disposal … our COOL DUDES, for example … we become empowered to make clear, conscious healthy choices about how to respond to situations and thoughts as they arise and how to ‘be’ … in much more satisfying and expansive ways than the FUDDY DUDDY ways of Fear, Uncertainty, Doubt, Desperateness and Yearning .
We can even lightheartedly ‘thank’ each aspect for the work it is trying to do for us, as and when it shows up, and then just gently let it go.
“Thank you Controllalola, but I don’t need you right now and am perfectly fine without you”
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Our Telegram community ‘Truly Transformational’ is full of resources for handling stress becoming aware of our aspects to let go of them controlling … moving towards true happiness and well being.
“Since I joined the group, I have learned how to slow my thoughts through simple breathing techniques, and then connect my breathing to my heart. I’ve learnt how to quieten my mind enough to hear and listen to my heart. I’ve learnt that I am enough, and I have always been enough, I am loved, and I have always been loved and am love. I have always been… I had just forgotten.
Now I am learning to remember.
The best thing of all that I have learnt, is that I always have a choice. I can choose whatever I like. I am learning to become an observer of my thoughts and reactions, which is enabling me to realise that there are other options, other thoughts to think… which create other feelings… I can choose to feel happy whenever I wish, no matter what I might have previously automatically thought. I love this feeling – it feels like being free… to be me… to be happy and loved… and to love x Joy, much love and gratitude to you… Today, I am remembering, and my wish is that I remember this every single day of my life xxx”
Liz Fleming
